People often ask what it takes to become a better LOVEr. In many cases, this question is based on a premise that there are specific techniques and abilities that can be learned and that mastering these techniques will guarantee success as a lover. Becoming a better lover is only about providing greatest sex.
The key to becoming a better LOVEr lies in developing the ability to pay attention. This may sound simple, but it is complex and challenging. The state of sexual excitement is an intense one. It is easy to be so absorbed by your own experience and sensation or so consumed by your own desire for gratification that you lose awareness of your partner’s state. By remaining attentive to your partner and more focused on his or her pleasure than on your own, you will become a more skillful lover than anyone who has learned a variety of techniques by rote.
Learning to pay attention requires developing what is, for many, an entirely new attitude toward sexuality. There are three key elements. First, you must view sexual activity as an adventure, as something to be explored consciously. People generally expect that sex will happen “naturally” and believe that there’s no need to think much about it. While there is some truth to this notion, sex that happens unconsciously is usually not very good or satisfying. Second, you must develop the ability to communicate openly and honestly about sex, to ask your partner how he/she feels and you have to express and explain what feels good to you. Finally, if you can learn to be focused on your partner and to observe the way he or she responds, when you both reach new heights of ecstasy. Without attentiveness, technical skills are likely to fail you, but in the hands and body of an attentive lover, practices can be the tools of a master.
